Her Own Special Way
by MaryFan1
Summary: This is a one shot based on Binkley2013's story His Own Special Way, an A/U for 5/24 Watershed. Castle and Beckett break up. Binkley's story is more from Castle's POV. Mine is more from Kate's. Please read Binkley's first if you are not familiar and see author's note for more detail.


**_A/N : I am writing this in response to Binkley2013's story His Own Special Way. So please read that first if you aren't familiar with it. Keep in mind that story was not a happy ending for Caskett and neither is this one. I love those stories as much as anyone but I am piggybacking on a theme here. Kate tried to tell Castle something in that story and he didn't let her. This is my interpretation of a scenario where she finally does tell him what she wanted to say. Constructive feedback is always welcomed and appreciated._**

/

The play had just been let out for intermission. Kate Beckett was enjoying a rare night out with her husband, Tom Demming, watching Steel Magnolias. She had wanted to see it, especially since Martha Rodgers was starring as Claree. And she was killing it. Tom had headed to the bar to get drinks and Kate stepped away to a quiet place after checking her phone and seeing a text from the boys. She was talking with them when someone else walked over to the where she was to get away from the noise himself. But when he heard her voice he froze.

 _Kate_

He could sneak away and maybe she'd never know. But he'd spent four years doing everything he could to avoid seeing her when he came into town. Even missing Lanie and Espo's wedding due to a conflict he could have easily rescheduled. It made him feel like a coward. But he had to guard his heart and protect himself.

"No, guys go on home. We can take care of it tomorrow…Espo, I do not want to get an earful from your wife about how late I make you work…okay, nice work guys. Bye."

She ended the call and put her phone back in her clutch purse then turned around and stopped in her tracks when she met his blue eyes.

"Hello, Kate." He said trying to mask the shock

"Rick." She replied barely above a whisper, "I didn't know…."

"Neither did I." He replied, "How…how are you?"

"I'm fine, Castle." She replied in typical Beckett short clipped tone, "Excuse me." She walked passed him toward the crowd to find her husband

"Kate…wait." He knew he would regret this but it had been long enough they should be able to have a civil conversation

She stopped, closing her eyes for a moment before turning around, "What Rick?"

"I just wanted to say congratulations.' He gestured to her swollen belly sticking out underneath her empire style evening gown

She gave him a tight lipped fake smile, "Thanks." She turned again to leave

"Kate," He called again, "I am sorry."

She turned around again, her eyes narrowing, "Sorry? For what exactly?"

He sighed and began to speak but she continued

"For not even being willing to listen to what I had to say that day? For saying you couldn't be happy with me…for not even…" She trailed off as tears formed in her eyes

"I told you…"

"Oh yeah, you told me plenty." She replied, "About the 'universe' and the rabbit hole. " She paused to catch her breath, "You know what, forget it. You didn't give a damn then and it doesn't matter now. You wouldn't even let me come to the loft to get my things. You sent that fucking text like I meant nothing to you."

"Don't you dare say I didn't give a damn." He replied, 'I gave a damn for five years, Kate."

"And when things got rough you walked away. You have no idea what I wanted to say to you. But you had already made up your mind. So just forget it." She tried once again to leave

"Fine." He snapped, "What were you going to say? That you were taking the job and expected me to follow you?"

"What?" She asked, "You really thought it was the same thing as what happened with me and Will, don't you? Well you don't know as much as you think."

"Then what was it like, Kate?" He asked

"Rick, if I had taken that job I wasn't expecting you to pick up and follow me and be miserable. Couples have long distance relationships. Weren't you the one all those years ago that tried to tell Alexis not to give up on her relationship with Ashley because he was going to Standford? Telling me love isn't practical?"

He remembered, then thought for a minute, "What do you mean, if you had taken the job? You did take the job."

She sighed, "Yeah, I did." She looked away

Some pieces started to come together, "Did you come there to say you were turning the job down?"

She still wouldn't look at him, "Yeah, but you had already decided…"

"But why?"

"Why do you think?" She asked, "I wanted to stay here, with you. I wanted us, Castle. I had decided the job wasn't worth it. I was so blown away that they wanted me and I would have been a fool not to at least check it out. But it would have meant not working with you anymore. I wouldn't have even been able to share my work with you at all. It would have all been top secret. Rick, I wasn't looking to leave the NYPD when the job came up. I didn't want to tell you until I knew if I even wanted it. And then it all just fell apart."

"Then why did you take it?" He asked

"Well, after you left I sat there trying to figure out what to do. I had to get myself together and go back to work but I knew when I walked back in there I couldn't do it anymore. If we were over I couldn't move on if…"

"If what, Kate?" He asked softly

"If work only reminded me of you." She said just as softly, "Everywhere I looked there you were, playing on your phone while I did paperwork, theorizing together at the murder board. So I thought the 'universe' was telling me something, too. There was a great job just waiting for me. So I decided to take it after all. A fresh start, you know?"

"So why did you come back?"

She signed heavily again, "The job was way more politics than I realized. I got sick of that and the compromising. It didn't feel like I was making any real difference. Not like when I could go to a victims' family and tell them we caught the person who killed them. So after almost a year and half I couldn't stand it and decided to leave. I called Gates and was able to get my old job back. Time and distance helped when I got back."

"And Demming?" He asked not sure if he wanted to know the answer

She smiled slightly, "Tom and I worked another case together about a month after I got back. There seemed to be a spark there and there wasn't any reason not to pursue it and a few months later he proposed."

He looked at her for a moment, "Are you happy, Kate?'

She gave him a sarcastic smile, "Happy? Yeah, I guess I am. I do love him and he's good to me. He's beside himself about the baby. He says I make him happy and I try every day to…" She trailed off looking away again

"You try to what, Kate?"

"I try every day to be…better than I was. Because I don't want…I don't want to find myself sitting on a swing set again watching him walk away."

His chest tightened, "Kate, I didn't do what I did to hurt you."

"I know. " She replied, "But when you gave up on me…"

"Kate…" he began,but he knew no matter what he said that's how she saw it, the man who had called her extraordinary and who believed in her walked away for good , no matter how valid his reasons

"I know how badly I messed things up with us and I never wanted to hurt you either. I wanted so much to make it right. But you didn't return my calls and when I got that text I knew there was nothing I could do to change your mind. I came to the loft but I knew you wouldn't see me so I just gave Martha your things you'd left at my place and left."

She wiped her eyes and continued, "So when it looked like things were getting serious with Tom I started therapy again. I still go sometimes. I thought if I lost my chance with you but somehow got another shot with Tom I didn't want to ruin it. I had to be better for him and now for our son."

Castle smiled slightly, "A boy? That's…that's great."

"Yeah." She breathed out, "It's really great…I, uh, better go find Tom."

"Yeah."

They looked at each other for a moment before she spoke again

"Well, goodbye Castle."

"Goodbye, Kate."

The End


End file.
